Friday, October 27, 2017

Cohabitation and Wedding Planning

                It is becoming a very common thing for a couple to cohabitate before actually getting married. One of the reasons behind this however, is the common misperception that this will benefit the future marriage, and that it is better to live with each other before marriage so that you can work out the kinks and quirks. Unfortunately this is not the case. Studies actually show that those who cohabitate before marriage are 3 times more likely to end up getting a divorce. When I first heard this I was a little shocked. I didn’t quite understand how that made sense, because I figured it would help to live together before getting married, so that you know the different things that you are going to have to adjust to. However, after we discussed it in class it actually makes sense.
                Our teacher drew us a visual to explain, he drew two lines, with something that resembled a knot in the middle of the two, and titled it with cohabitation. Then he drew another set of “strings” with a knot in the middle, but had them winding together underneath the knot, and wrote no cohabitation above it (here’s my attempt at showing the picturesJ).












He explained that when people live together without being married, they don’t have the same commitment level as those who are married. They begin living together, but things are still separate when you think about it. They set their own ways and patterns early on, and then when they tie the knot, nothing really changes. Money is the biggest factor in this. When two people aren’t married, they keep their separate bank accounts, and each pay half the bills, and so on. This can cause lots of problems between couples. Money is one of the main leading factors to divorce. People who cohabitate set high expectations for when the knot is finally tied, because often times they expect things to change once they get married, but because they are already set in their ways with one another, then nothing really changes.
                When two people don’t live together before marriage however, they begin their lives together sharing everything, and everything is new. They combine their money, set different rules and designate roles early on, instead of coming into the marriage with their ways already set. Everything to them is an adjustment, and they make new patterns together. As the picture shows, their lives become winded around one another right off the bat, so it makes the long run much easier.
                This week we also discussed the pros and cons to different ways of paying for a wedding. Often times the parents pay, and while this can be very beneficial and good in some ways, it can also cause problems. This is not always the case, but sometimes when parents pay for a wedding they can kind of take control of not only the wedding itself, but of the bride and groom as well. Almost as if they owe them. Especially if it is a very expensive wedding (which we also read a study that the amount of money spent on a wedding can predict the length the marriage will last- cheaper lasts longer). So if your parents pay for your wedding, just be aware of the possibilities.
                Our teacher gave us some good advice for our own weddings. He said, that planning a wedding should go along with planning a marriage. Often times couples thing they need to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, but the wedding lasts for one day, our marriage should last forever. He said that instead of spending so much money, use your resources. Use your family. Put one person in charge of one thing, and another in charge of another. My husband and I did this, my aunt took our pictures, a good friend made our cake, we borrowed decorations from my sister in law’s wedding, we had our reception in a church- where it was free, and a number of other things. We had a beautiful reception that cost only a fraction of what people thought it did, beautiful pictures, and a beautiful cake. We may have not had professionals for everything, but I don’t regret it one bit. I think it turned out just as good, maybe even better than it had of with professionals, and it means so much more because there were so many personal connections involved. I would advise this to anyone planning a wedding, use your resources, and save your money for the marriage itself.


Before Marriage

“Tying the knot”

After Marriage


 

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