Family Theories

Each family functions in their own personal way. We each have a system that works for us, with rules to follow and a specific role for each of us to play. These are called Family Theories. There are 4 main theories that most families follow, these include the systems theory, exchange theory, symbolic interaction theory, and the conflict theory. No system is right or wrong, but some can lead to a happier home and family life. Dr. Murray Bowen, the author of the Systems theory said, “Maintaining the same pattern of behaviors within a system may lead to balance in the family system, but also to dysfunction” (Bowen). The systems theory is when each person has a role to uphold, and each of these roles put together can create subsystems, and when you put the subsystems together it creates a system that can be analyzed as a whole. For example, there may be one in the family who is the peace maker, or maybe one who is the listener or the caretaker. When you put all of these roles together then you create a system that does not function properly without all of the parts. It’s like a shirt, if the shirt is missing the neck hole than it can’t be worn. That is how the family system theory works.

The exchange theory “assumes that people make decisions based on the costs and benefits they perceive from those decisions” (Powell). ” Social exchange theory assumes that people try to be close to and emulate those people who possess positive characteristics or seem to be rewarded for what they do” (Powell). This theory is based on the idea that people are looking for a reward higher than the cost. For example, our teacher posed the question: What made marrying your husband/wife worth it? We found that the good things outweighed the bad, the reward was higher than the cost.

The symbolic interaction theory pretty much speaks for itself. It is based on the idea that every action is symbolic of something. For example, women have a “look” that they give to their husbands. Though she didn't actually say anything the husband always knows what she means, because her look is symbolic. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about! J A personal example that I have of this theory, is when I was growing up, our kitchen and main living area were upstairs and the kids always played downstairs. Often times we could not hear my mom calling us from upstairs, so instead of yelling at us to come upstairs she started stomping on the floor 3 times really loud, so that we could always hear her. Though no words were used, each of us knew what those 3 stomps meant.

The last theory I’m going to discuss is the conflict theory. This theory is presented when a family is constantly in conflict with each other, and constantly trying to gain power over one another. We watched a video for class, Season 2 episode 9 of “Everybody Loves Raymond”. The episode was titled “The Gift” and it took place on Raymond’s dad’s birthday. Supposedly his dad had always hated gifts, so they had made a plan not to get him gifts every year, but this specific year was his dad’s 65^th birthday, so both his brother and his mother had gotten him gifts, but Raymond had not.  It just so happened that his dad absolutely loved the gift from his brother, so immediately it became a competition. Raymond devised a plan to get an even better gift than his brother had, and this led to a competition throughout the episode. I thought this was a great example of the conflict theory.

Like I said earlier, there is no right or wrong theory to follow, however some may be better than others. In my personal opinion, as long as we are looking to the Lord and keeping our Family on the straight and narrow, then our family will be blessed immensely.

Bowen, M., Dr. (n.d.). Family Systems Theory. Retrieved September 30, 2017, from https://www.genopro.com/genogram/family-systems-theory/

Powell, L. H., & Cassidy, D. (n.d.). Identifying Family and Relationship Theories [DOCX]. Waveland Press. https://www.extension.purdue.edu/purplewagon/FLEMat-QAT/PDF/Family_Theories.pdf