Communication

Communication is a tough thing in our world today. Between cell phones and texting, emails, social media, and many other ways to communicate, it can be very difficult to really understand what someone is really saying and the meaning behind it. Unfortunately communication is one of the most critical things in life, so misunderstanding can cause big problems. So how do we communicate in a way that others will truly understand what we are saying?

                People are very defensive, that’s just a fact. Often time’s miscommunication arises when someone defends themselves, or something or someone. A defense often looks like an offense- which leads others to defend themselves, so it becomes a defense against defense situation. People are usually off-putting when they are offended and trying to defend themselves. It is important that we are transparent in what we are saying, so that others know what we truly mean, and don’t take something offensive that is not meant to be. We shouldn’t have a hidden agenda when we talk to others. This goes along with sarcasm. Sarcasm is intentionally saying something n two incongruent levels- usually there is a hidden agenda behind it. You say something, but you really mean something else. It can be very degrading, and make others put up there defense. In this case we should think about Christ. We are trying to be like him, but was he ever sarcastic? Would he have said anything that he didn’t truly mean? No never. Instead of trying to code what we say, come straight forward and say what you are truly thinking (unless its mean, because as Thumper and I’m sure all of our mothers say, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” J).

                Our teacher this week gave us several different ways to handle miscommunication. One method in the case of someone defending themselves, if you acknowledge the truth in what they are saying, than more often than not they will “disarm’ themselves, or “lower their weapons”. If you acknowledge the truth in their statement, they won’t feel like they need to defend themselves any more. It also helps to match their emotion. If your friend walks into the room upset, and you are so excited to tell them about the exciting thing that just happened to you, they are going to get the sense that you don’t care how they feel. Sympathize with them when they are sad, be excited for them when they accomplish things. If you want to send the right message, then match what they are feeling, because nonverbal communication gives 50% of your message.

 Another tip he gave was for a situation in which someone is doing something you don’t like, or is behaving in an inappropriate way. Instead of giving them a list of the things you don’t like about them, or sugar coating what you would like to get across, be direct and simple. Instead of saying “you’re such a slob” to a husband who leaves his socks laying around, simply and politely ask him to not leave his socks lying around anymore. People respond much better to respectful straightforward comments and concerns, than they do to something that degrades them. In D&C 121 verse 43 it says, “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost”. We were taught that reproving means to scold or correct kindly, betimes means seasonally, or in the right time, sharpness means with surgical precision, and all this (correcting others) should only be done when directed by the spirit to do so. Going back to the sharpness, our teacher gave this analogy: If a family member were having brain surgery we would want them to use the sharpest tools so that nothing gets cut or affected that doesn’t need to. This is the same with communication, and the problem is often we use butter knives to make those cuts. As I have mentioned several times, we shouldn’t beat around the bush. Be direct and just say what needs to be said.